Late-Night Comics Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

Television's prominent entertainers used the airtime criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's newly launched visa initiative, called the "Trump card," characterizing it as a obvious pay-to-play scheme for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Sarcastic Analysis

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical holiday jingle about the president. "He's making a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... destroys everything he comes into contact with."

The subject was the controversial plan which permits foreign individuals to buy U.S. residency for the price of $1 million dollars, or "platinum" tier for 5 million. The program's page guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."

"One thought for you to rich applicants: prior to you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the card is also meant to "squeeze cash" from companies wishing to hire foreign workers, with hefty costs. "That is a lot of fees, however if you register, you also get free accommodation at a property of your choice – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"Unprecedented screening the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit affluent foreigners to live here," he explained. "For a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the form, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping approval ratings during financial worries. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a bid to discuss affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, where he reacted oddly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting right-leaning media coverage of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.